How much should you interfere in your child's life?
Now that kids are back in school, no doubt parents are already busy helping their little ones navigate all manner of academic and social challenges.
But an article on the Globe and Mail Life site raises a complicated question: How much should parents intervene in their children’s lives? The piece was written by a Nova Scotia mom identified only as “School Meddler.” In it, she describes how her now adult child, Stephanie, was part of a group of friends that caused a whole lot of drama in the little girl’s life.
Meddler goes on to write that when her daughter wasn’t placed in a class with those friends, her grades improved and discussion around the dinner table turned to studies, rather than social soap operas. By Grade 4, Meddler met with the school principal to request that Stephanie not be placed with those friends again, despite the fact that her daughter wanted to rejoin them. The principal agreed, and Stephanie had another good school year.
[Also see: When Do Kids Start Walking to School Alone?]
Many commenters commended this mother for a positive parenting move, but some argued that she crossed the line into “helicopter parenting”.Commenter Joland writes:
“So while the daughter's year may have been better, and her grades may have been better, is she going to run from stressful people in the future? Is she going to be able to function in jobs where she has no choice but to interact with people like that?”
suggest that overprotective parenting can be just as psychologically harmful to kids as neglect, and some parenting experts suggest that too much parental intervention may rob children of the chance to learn how to solve their own problems. In his book, "Too Safe for their Own Good", social worker Michael Ungar writes:
“In our mania to provide emotional life jackets around our kids, helmets and seatbelts, approved playground equipment, after-school supervision, an endless stream of evening programming, and no place to hang out but the tiled flooring of our local mall, we parents are accidentally creating a generation of youth who are not ready for life.”
While it’s clear from the story Meddler tells that her daughter’s academic performance improved, should she have let Stephanie learn her own social lessons? Or is it a parent’s responsibility to intervene in situations like these?
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