4 Things That Help Motivate Your Child (And 2 That Don’t)
How do you motivate your kids to do their best work in school without putting too much pressure on them? Child psychologists Dr. Laurie and Dr. Frank Zelinger shared four tips that work—plus two popular tactics that don’t.
1. Recognize Improvement
When a child repeatedly receives bad grades, motivate him with positive statements like: "You answered three more questions correctly on this test!" Teach your child that grades are signs of improvement in school (and even the smallest positive change counts).
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2. See Things From Their Perspective
As tempting as it might be, refrain from lecturing your child when he receives low grades. Instead, ask him how his bad grades make him feel. This makes the child feel responsible for his own performance in school (increasing motivation) as well as giving you an insight into his school life (especially if he needs extra help on a subject).
3. Let Your Kids Develop Their Own Solutions
Resist the urge to put your child in a study-focused lockdown when he brings bad grades home. Instead, ask what he thinks will help improve his study habits. (Does he need a fortress of solitude to memorize spelling? Does he review math better with music playing?) Solving problems himself will build resourcefulness and self-confidence.
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4. Help With Homework—Responsibly
While it may seem like homework is a curse designed to ruin family time, doing his homework for him isn't the answer, either. Self-completed homework is vital to your child’s performance in school. Finishing an assignment with minimal parental intervention will make your child feel more accomplished and prepared for the rest of the school work to come.
1. Danger: “Purchasing” Good Grades
Many parents give their children incentives for A's and perfect scores, but this technique teaches children about rewards instead of motivation and hard work. Praise your child when he shows responsibility, improvement, and ingenuity in his schoolwork -- not when she gets perfect grades.
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2. Danger: Criticizing Bad Grades
Criticizing parents might mean well, but all the children hear is, "Your effort wasn't good enough" and "Even if you try your best, I'll still be mad". Support your child when he tries his best, even if his grades aren't spectacular.
Dr. Laurie Zelinger, PhD, RPT/S, is a child psychologist and play therapist in Long Island, NY. She is the author of "O, MY" in TonsillectOMY & AdenoidectOMY: How to Prepare your Child for Surgery, 2nd ed, a book that explains youth surgery to children and parents.
