Top 9 Adult Christmas Songs
It's that time of year again: Whether you love it or hate it, if you venture outside you're going to be inundated with Christmas music. For a season that can be stressful and emotionally draining for the adults in the house, the version of Christmas music that stores and restaurants choose to play seems insultingly upbeat and cheesy.
Look, I love Paul McCartney's Wonderful Christmas Time as much as the next guy the first time I hear it (usually sometime in mid-November), but by the third or fourth time it comes on (in one day) it makes me want to declare war on Christmas... and Paul McCartney.
So what happens when you want to stay in the holiday spirit after you've put the kids to bed, but you don't want to listen to something that's going to give you and your partner flashbacks to the "unpleasantness" that happened earlier in the day at the Build-A-Bear Workshop in the mall?
Here's a list of grown up holiday music that is great for drinkin', makin' out, shakin' your butt, or just doing some good old fashioned wallowin' in a little Yule Tide funk.
1. Albert King - "Santa Wants Some Lovin'"
This is like a Whys Guy holiday column set to funk.
2. Clarence Carter - "Backdoor Santa"
This is a very dirty Christmas song, but would you expect anything less from a man who made songs with titles like Strokin' and Let's Get a Quickie? Rap fans will recognize that this is the horn section RUN DMC samples in their mainstream holiday hit "Christmas in Hollis."
3. LeBon LeBon - "Megan Fox For Christmas"
This is a song that keeps turning up in my Facebook feed because it's performed by a guy I went to high school with. I don't particularly want Megan Fox for Christmas so I was predisposed to dislike this number, but oh my, is it catchy, Christmasy, and chock full of sexual innuendo all at the same time. If you're looking to get people dancing at your Christmas party look no further.
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4. Tom Waits - "Christmas Card From a Hooker In Minneapolis"
Depressing holiday music that has a sense of humor about itself is hard to come by; Tom Waits nails it right here. The perfect antidote to a day of Madonna's Santa Baby at the mall. Great thoughtful story telling, and a great drinking song, and frankly, you need both after a day at the mall.
5. Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings - "Ain't No Chimneys in the Projects"
I might be accused of blasphemy here but, in my mind, this beats out James Brown's Santa Claus, Go Straight to the Ghetto. Sharon Jones is just that good.
6. Loretta Lynn - "I Won't Decorate Your Christmas Tree This Year"
I think this Loretta Lynn song may be just as dirty as Backdoor Santa. I guess it depends on whether the Christmas tree is really a Christmas tree or whether it's a metaphorical penis. People keep telling me sometimes a Christmas tree is just a Christmas tree, but I'm not sure I believe them.
7. Bill Anderson - "Po' Folks Christmas"
I think we need more songs about being broke at Christmas and making the best of it. Also any Christmas song that includes a pleasant anecdote about stealing from rich people deserves a special mention. Bill Anderson is the original 99%! Occupy Christmas Bill.
8. "Silent Night" - Multiple Artists - Tanya Tucker Version
I like a lot of the traditional Christmas standards, this one in particular. There are lots of great versions of this song but I chose this one because I could listen to Tanya Tucker sing Lego instructions.
9. The Pogues - "Fairytale of New York"
It's not the holiday season until I hear this song in a bar... and a fight breaks out.
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