Advertisement

Study finds kids with siblings are less happy than those without

Children with siblings are less happy than those without, a new, wide-ranging study in Britain reports. Studying over 100,000 people in 40,000 households, the findings, which will be published this Friday by the Economic and Social Research Council, suggest that kids with fewer siblings were happier than those with many, and that only children were among the happiest kids.

So why would a sibling make a kid less happy? Apparently bullying is one factor (31% of the children said they were physically roughed up by their siblings “quite a lot”) while lack of space, privacy, and competition for a parent’s attention all played a role.

Now, as a parent of an only child, I’d be lying if I said some part of this study did not cheer me, working, as it does, against the stereotypes of only children. And yet as younger sister, one who considers her life much better for the brother in it, I have to question what we’re really supposed to extrapolate from a study like this. Should we limit ourselves to one child households? Should we regret the kids we already have? Should we feel a pinch guilt every time one of our kids tells us we favor the other (and doesn’t everyone kind of do that anyway)?

The truth is, while I can believe that siblings might not make for “happier” kids, I do see how the occasional unhappiness they provide is actually valuable. Learning to share, learning that resources are limited and that mom’s attention isn’t just for you are all great things that don’t necessarily feel good to learn. They are also things that help you later in life.

Lest anyone thing I’m automatically skewering only kids—I’m not. I don’t think that this kind of learning can come only through siblings—plenty of only kids learn they are not the center of the universe through regular old good parenting. But when I read the results of a study like this, I have to wonder: Is it that siblings are really the cause of unhappiness, or is it just that they are the easiest source of tension for a kid to fixate on?