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How To (Tactfully) Tell Your Loved Ones They're Fat

As the Kardashian clan have discovered, emotions run high around weight gain and even if you have your love one's best interests at heart, should you ever tell people they're fat?

Fat-shaming is a horrible concept.

Too often we - including the media - are guilty of making people feel bad about their bodies.

But there comes a point when weight gain starts to have worrying implications for health.

At what point is it okay to tell a loved one they are fat?

No one wants to be accused of fat-shaming, when they're just trying to help, and the Kardashian clan has proven how difficult the issue can be, even among the rich and famous (who can presumably afford a personal trainer).

It's been suggested that the real reason Rob Kardashian failed to attend his sister Kim's wedding to Kanye West at the weekend is his self-conciousness about his size, having ballooned in recent months.

And rather than be sympathetic towards him, the Kardashian sisters have been critical, to the point where Rob reportedly felt he wasn't welcome at the wedding because his body wasn't in-keeping with Kim's aesthetic requirements for the day.

But outside the celebrity world of lavish weddings and compulsory weight loss, how can you tell someone you love that you're worried about his or her weight, without upsetting them and threatening your relationship?

The right reasons

Social behaviour expert Judi James warns that you should be sure you have a valid reason to worry, and have a clear idea of what you want your loved one to achieve - with suggestions about how.

"If you want your loved one to lose weight for health reasons that's fine, but planning to tell them off just as you have a wedding or other social event coming up would smack of embarrassment and a desire to over-control on you part."

She continues: "Never underestimate a conversation about weight as you can all to easily risk pushing your loved one in the wrong direction if it makes them feel angry or insulted or even patronised.

"If a partner is already sensitive about their weight gain they might take any comments as a further prompt for self-pity or low self-esteem."

"Even if your loved one brings the weight gain up themselves, you still need to plan your response with caution.

"Our need to be loved by and to please people closes to us can override our ability to be honest, which is why you will often hear close friends and even family nudging someone off a diet by tempting them with naughty treats and telling them they don't need to lose weight because they look fine as they are"

She advises: "If you want them to open up, it can be better to use a coaching technique and ask them why they've brought it up, how do they feel about their weight etc, rather than pitching straight in with your own opinion."

And keeping positive is also important to help the person approach lifestyle changes positively.

"Diets are best approached with positivity and optimism, and anything that might be perceived as a wounding insult, or worse, a sign that you don't love them any more or find them attractive, could have the opposite result."

[I wanna look good when I take my shirt off]
[Are you guilty of fit-shaming?]

How to make changes

Judi explains that your attitude and tone is key to helping people feel they are making changes of their own accord.

"When humans feel they are being pushed they will normally resist without even thinking of the logic of the suggestion, so taking a disapproving tone and then policing the diet might easily lead to a 'rebellious child' response, i.e. stubbornness and a determination to self-scupper.

"Instead, it could be better to encourage them to speak to a doctor during a general health check and then offer to help with any advice that is given."

Share the journey

"The ideal way to encourage without hurting feelings is to share. People love to be asked for help and will often share an experience if they feel it is helping someone else.

"If you tell your loved one you're wanting to change to a healthy eating lifestyle with enhanced levels of exercise and ask if they would buddy up with you to help you out you will probably trigger a more positive response than offering criticism (even when your criticism is out of care)."

Some experts warn that you should never tell someon that he or she is fat and that this can actually make things worse because of the psychology of weight gain and loss.

And perhaps this is what has backfired in the Kardashian's case, teasing and making fun of weight gain can lead to more comfort eating and a bigger problem, but tackling it in a sensitive and pro-active way could give your loved one the kickstart needed to make changes.