How to be cool with your own company
Be comfortable being a party of one. (Photo: Getty Images)
There are those rare individuals who have no problem dining as a party of one at a top restaurant or traveling the world alone. But for the rest of us, going solo isn’t always easy. “People get nervous doing things alone because it makes them uncomfortable,” explains Catherine Birndorf, MD, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College. “They feel insecure and think that radiates outward.”
WHY YOU NEED TO MAKE THE CHANGE
“I have never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude,” wrote Henry David Thoreau. While you don’t have to follow his lead and go solo all the time, being cool with your own company is good for you.
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“If you’re not comfortable being alone, you’re always dependent on other people to do fun things. That can cramp your style,” Birndorf explains. But if the only person you need to rely on is yourself, your options become endless.
HOW TO DO IT
Like any other skill, being able to do things alone takes practice. First, start small. Try going to a place where it’s widely accepted to be by yourself (like your local coffee shop). You certainly won’t be the only one alone, and this is easier than going out by yourself for a full meal.
If you feel self-conscious, bring what Birndorf calls a “security blanket,” such as a book or magazine so you can read while you sip your latte. (And of course, you can always look busy by perusing your phone.)
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Speaking of appearances, “lots of people feel insecure being alone because they think everyone is looking at them,” Birndorf explains. But chances are, no one cares that you’re solo or even notices. Think about it: How often do you notice other people when they’re by themselves? And if you do, you probably admire, rather than judge, them.
Do the solo coffee shop thing a few times and then move onto something a little more daring, like going to a movie alone. Opt for a less-populated time of day so you won’t feel as self-conscious. And change your attitude: Don’t think that you’re doing something alone because you have no friends, or perceive it as a negative thing. Instead, look at enjoying your own company as a choice — and you’ll actually feel empowered.
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