Families' Hilarious (and Painfully Awkward) Conversations About Sex With Their Kids
Anew video from Cut, the site that launched those pot-smoking grandmas into viral mode in November, takes on an even more awkward situation this time around: parents telling their young kids about how babies are made. “The Birds and the Bees” was posted on Wednesday to YouTube, where it’s already racked up more than 1.9 million views.
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“Do you know anything about intercourse?” a dad in an ascot cap asks his daughter Melody, who looks about 9 years old and less than thrilled with the conversation. The four other kids in the video, who appear to range in age from about 5 to 10 and are seated with either one or two parents at a round white table for the talk, are all similarly apprehensive. (You click onto the full interviews with each child at the end of the main video.) They quickly become embarrassed and even mortified as their parents — who are in a very similar state — press on with details. “You know, it’s called the vagina,” says one of two moms to their horrified son, who promptly covers his ears and screams.
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Other choice bits of information offered up by the skittish parents: “Mommy and Daddy hang out.” “So Mommy and Daddy got together, and we took off all our clothes, and we got inside the blankets so we were really warm, and then Mommy and Daddy did a special dance and there you were. That’s how you were made.” “See this pocket? OK, this pocket is the vagina. And in order to have a child, Daddy has to put his penis in the pocket. Do you understand?”
The kid’s awesome answer to that last question? “Ew.”
In one father-son pair, there’s a hysterical role reversal, as the boy, about 7, shares every accurate detail about the “bad stuff” his brother taught him, shocking his dad.
The video is good for giggles — but also as a learning tool for other parents, oftentimes about what you might not want to do.
For example, notes clinical psychologist and parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham, the boy who schools his father on sex used the word “bad.” And clearly, by his reaction, “the father thought it was bad,” Markham tells Yahoo Parenting. In this scene, and throughout, she says, “There’s a lot of shame. Most [parents] were pretty uncomfortable, and I don’t blame them at all,” because those feelings were foisted upon parents early in life — by their own parents. “It’s old stuff for us,” she says.
Before sitting down with your kid, Markham suggests, discuss how you’ll approach the situation with your partner, if you have one, “and laugh together about your anxiety.” Then get clear on what you’ll say, making sure to be age appropriate — and present the information as early as you can, as “little children who don’t know the rules and social constructs” don’t know enough to be appalled or embarrassed, she notes.
Older kids are more likely to freak out, but that’s okay, says Kelli Dunham, a New York-based registered nurse, comic, and author of “The Boy’s Body Book.” When they laugh and cover their faces, she tells Yahoo Parenting, “That’s the time for parents to be adults.” Have a sense of humor and ask them what they already know, she suggests. Also, try to be present during any teachable moments that precede a big talk.
“It’s not always easy to answer the questions, ‘what is a penis? Do I have one?’ while you’re standing in line at the grocery store. But your child is offering you an opportunity,” Dunham says. “They will learn it somewhere, much earlier than you expect. So in today’s world it’s better to answer questions early, in as much detail [as possible], than to let them learn possibly erroneous information somewhere else.”
