Every Single Drink at Starbucks, Ranked
By: Lee Breslouer
Credit: Drew Swantak/Thrillist
Starbucks has roughly 50 drinks on its menu and infinity ways to customize them, but you’ve probably only had a fraction. And even I know a fraction of 50 isn’t a lot, despite my embarrassing math SAT score. So, to help you break the chains of habit, I ordered every single drink on the Starbucks menu in order to tell you what’s the best, and what is simply Youthberry tea. Perhaps you’ll read this and find something new you want to try. Or perhaps you’ll think I’m wrong about everything. Let’s find out together!
But first, a few caveats
1) I didn’t taste-test seasonal drinks because I wanted this ranking to be relevant and useful year-round. No Pumpkin Spice Latte, etc. I only ordered what was on the menu board.
2) I didn’t order the same drink hot and iced (unless it was listed that way on the menu — like the Caramel Macchiato) because then this ranking would be very long and very boring.
3) I did not customize the drinks in any way, so I could drink them as Starbucks intended.
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51. (tie) Very Berry Hibiscus Starbucks Refreshers
I’m deathly allergic to strawberries and mostly allergic to blackberries, which is 99% of this drink. So I didn’t try this and as such, it has to fall to the bottom. I hate what you do to me, berries. Allergists out there, can you heal me?
51. (tie) Strawberries & Crème Frappuccino
I put aside my severe allergic reaction to strawberries, and took a sip of this. It was great! Jaykay, I never tried it. If Superman were a skinny Jewish guy from Delaware, strawberries would be his kryptonite.
51. (tie) Strawberry Smoothie
WHY MUST EVERYTHING HAVE BERRIES?!?
48. Caramel Frappuccino
Caramel reminds me of some flavoring the dentist used to give me before numbing my mouth and filling a cavity. I can’t shake it when I’m drinking it. I’m immediately transported to the dentist’s office.
47. Caramel Iced Coffee
No!
46. Teavana Youthberry
Here’s what’s in this tea: “red currants, açai berry, hibiscus, rose petals, candied pineapple, mango pieces, and Fuji and Golden Delicious apples.” I would’ve been happy with one or two of those ingredients, but all together is too much for my taste buds. At least there’s no caramel in it.
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Credit: Drew Swantak/Thrillist
45. Cool Lime Starbucks Refreshers
I ordered this in the dead of winter, but it was luckily a 59-degree day, so I was more than ready to be refreshed. Sadly, I did not find it in this combination of “lime, citrus and hints of mint and cucumber.” Luckily the description succeeded in refreshing me a little, but the drink left me a little empty. On the upside, there’s flavorless Green Coffee Extract mixed in for an energy boost.
44. Green Tea Crème Frappuccino
You know that friend of yours who’s always on a diet, and whose heart is in the right place, but they don’t understand which foods are actually healthy? Your friend loves this drink.
43. Americano
This is a tall espresso, essentially. And since I’m not a huge fan of regular-sized espressos, this does nothing for me.
42. Espresso
The espresso gets bonus points for not being an Americano! But this is the opposite of my thing. Pretty sure people fake that they enjoy drinking a thimble of coffee because they think it looks cool to drink things out of tiny cups. It doesn’t. This is the e-cig of coffee drinks.
41. Espresso Macchiato
Slightly better because of the foam on top.
40. Cappuccino
Has a slightly bitter finish, and tastes stronger than most Starbucks drinks, probably because it doesn’t have all that sugar that helps make the majority of their drinks so delicious. Ultimately, this doesn’t do what I want it to do, which is pump my blood full of sugar and caffeine. In fact, it doesn’t have as much caffeine as some of their Frappuccinos.
39. Vanilla Iced Coffee
The vanilla syrup just wasn’t working for me. I want iced coffee to taste like iced coffee OR be a milkshake (à la the Frappuccino). This appears to be neither.
38. Tazo Calm Chamomile
This tastes like chamomile, aka the daisy-like plant used to calm stomachs since the beginning of time. Do you think when Chamillionaire was popular he was approached by Tazo to endorse this product? C’mon, if this was 2005, you wouldn’t buy Chamillionaire’s Calm Chamomile?
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37. Blonde Roast
The roast changes over the year, but it’s Veranda right now. And a barista I spoke to said it’s Veranda most times. Starbucks says it’s a “light roast” coffee that’s “perfectly balanced.” It makes me want a Mocha Frappuccino.
36. Dark Roast
This roast also changes over the course of the year. Now it’s Sumatra, though it was Christmas Blend later last year. Starbucks says it has “lingering flavors of dried herbs and fresh earth, and almost no acidity.” It makes me want a Coffee Frappuccino.
35. Medium Roast
This roast is always Pike Place. This is my favorite of the drip coffees (though in the afternoon, there’s a location near me that switches to pour-over). Starbucks says it has “subtly rich flavors of cocoa and toasted nuts.” It makes me want a Doubleshot on Ice.
34. Teavana Jade Citrus Mint
The citrus here overpowers the mint, which loses points for me. There’s something comforting about mint tea. The way it warms you up from the inside, like a menthol cigarette, but without the carcinogens and that sexy smoker’s cough.
33. Caramel Macchiato
My disappointment with everything caramel flavored has been well documented thus far. But this is the only hot caramel drink on their menu, and it’s serviceable. I don’t mind the caramel drizzle, and the vanilla syrup inside plays nice with the espresso and steamed milk.
32. Vanilla Bean Crème Frappuccino
I think I used to be more of a vanilla person growing up, but now I’m squarely in the chocolate camp. 10-year-old me would’ve lost his mind over this. Significantly older, current me (who has successfully gone through puberty!) thinks this is vanilla overload.
31. Cinnamon Dolce Latte
I feel like if I had oatmeal that tasted like this latte, I’d enjoy the hell out of that oatmeal. But sadly, it is not oatmeal, and instead a coffee drink, so here we are.
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30. Valencia Orange Starbucks Refreshers
If you ever played youth soccer, you are familiar with the orange slice. An orange slice that’s been cooling in a Ziploc bag inside an Igloo. So you also know the glorious moment when you suck all the juice out of it. If you ever want to be transported back, drink this — a veritable flavor blast of three kinds of oranges. The only thing missing is the cold gaze of Darren’s tired Mom. Whatever, you shoved him in the back, but only because he elbowed you in the head on a penalty kick.
29. Skinny Vanilla Latte
The nonfat milk doesn’t change the consistency of this drink too much, but the sugar-free syrup starts to bother me after a few sips. It’s like going on a date with someone you think is pretty cool after five minutes, but after the 20th, you keep checking your watch and wishing you were back at home watching Real World: Skeletons.
28. Teavana Royal English Breakfast
This is a bold, black breakfast tea that needs milk in the worst way. So get it with said milk, like you’re a regular Benedict Cumberbatch or something.
27. White Chocolate Mocha
I want to love this. I do! But I can’t force myself to. It’s got plenty of sugar, plenty of cream, and plenty of coffee flavor, but the white mocha doesn’t tie it together so much as try to overpower the coffee and cream flavors.
26. Teavana Pineapple Kona Pop
Tea gets a bad rap for being wimpy and having boring, muted flavor. This tea must’ve been made solely to counteract those stereotypes, because there is a ton of pineapple flavor in every sip. If pineapple is your favorite flavor, this is your favorite drink.
25. Iced Caramel Macchiato
Easily the cream of the crop of the iced caramel drinks. And my favorite caramel drink overall. No latent dentist’s office issues here.
24. Latte
Steamed milk, espresso. You get a layer of foam on top. I love when the foam hits your top lip, supporting it like a little milk pillow as you draw warm espresso into your mouth. I’m a little shocked I liked this more than some of their flavored lattes, especially considering my well-documented child-like love for sugary flavors, but this simple drink delivers.
23. Teavana Peach Tranquility
Oh wow, this is unexpectedly nice. The peach, pineapple, and chamomile mesh well together here. If your Grandma doesn’t already have a box of this at home, buy it for her! Unless she’s a huge pineapple fan, or doesn’t get along with you anymore.
Credit: Drew Swantak/Thrillist
22. Teavana Mint Majesty
This tea contains lots o’ mint and lemon verbena. Sadly, I wouldn’t make a lemon ver-beeline to get this. Sorry.
21. Teavana Shaken Iced Passion Tango Tea
Fruit punch is one of my least favorite drinks, but the combination of “hibiscus, apple, lemongrass, and natural tropical flavors” works here. The only negative is that “Shaken Iced Passion Tango Tea” is one awkward phrase. You can just say “passionfruit iced tea” and the barista will know what you mean.
20. Teavana Passion Tango Tea
This is even tastier hot! That’s why it’s one whole spot better than the iced version.
19. Vanilla Latte
Maybe it’s the snow falling down on the ground as I’m drinking this, but it’s damn good. Not too sweet. Subtle vanilla notes.
18. Teavana Shaken Iced Green Tea
This tastes like an iced version of Tazo’s Zen tea, likely because this also has green tea and lemongrass, though this also contains lemon verbena. It’s not quite the grand slam tea that Zen turned out to be (as you’ll find out later), but it’s an A+ substitution for their plain iced green tea, which is one of my go-to summer orders.
17. Teavana Emperor’s Clouds and Mist Green Tea
First of all, “Emperor’s Clouds and Mist” sounds like an M. Night Shyamalan movie I’d make a point of telling everyone I’d never see, then watch in its entirety one afternoon on HBO. As for the tea, this is a solid green tea offering from Teavana.
16. Classic Chai Tea Latte
I used to order this chai before I’d go in to work an early shift at Barnes and Noble. This was a decade ago, back when people were still reading books made out of paper. That chai gave me the energy to correctly alphabetize all the Margaret Atwood novels. The drink hasn’t changed since then, and after drinking one, I’m pretty sure I could still remember to shelve Alias Grace before The Blind Assassin.
15. Teavana Earl Grey
At first I wondered why I even ordered this. It’s the same as the Royal Breakfast! They’re both black teas, basically. But then I got a hit of lavender in the finish. Unlike the Royal Breakfast, which is begging for milk, this doesn’t need it in the least.
Credit: Drew Swantak/Thrillist
14. Teavana Oprah Chai Tea Latte
I like myself a spicy chai. I want it to burn a little on the way down. And the Oprah Chai promises a spicy chai experience, but doesn’t quite deliver. There’s certainly some extra spice compared to the standard Chai Latte, but it’s not enough for me. Oprah, if you’re listening, could you add some spice to your chai? And could I have a car?
13. Hot Chocolate
I went to college with a bunch of people I don’t see anymore. That’s normal, part of growing up and whatnot. I also used to drink a lot of hot chocolate as a kid, but I don’t anymore. Part of growing up and whatnot. But when you see those old friends, or you take a sip of hot chocolate, you’re there again. You’re 13, watching your brother’s soccer game on a Sunday, and it’s windy as hell, and you want to be inside watching football, but you’re out there sipping your hot chocolate and listening to the game on a Walkman.
12. Teavana Shaken Iced Black Tea
This is actually made with three kinds of black tea, and it shows in the complexity of the flavors here. Since this drink’s standard build doesn’t come with any sweetener, I didn’t drink it with any. But it’s so refreshing I didn’t even miss it. This is the cream of the Shaken Tea crop.
11. Tazo Refresh Mint
A refreshing mint-bomb in your mouth, but not in the bad way where you feel like you swallowed a bottle of mouthwash. It’s so good I’ll excuse the crappy pun in the name.
10. Orange Mango Smoothie
It’s currently 32 degrees as I’m drinking this, and I still love it. Similar to anything you’d find at a juice bar (this even has whey and fiber!), it’s impressive that Starbucks can nail a drink like this that’s so clearly outside their standard comfort zone.
9. Teavana Oprah Chai
There’s the spice I thought the latte was missing! So flavorful it doesn’t even need milk. You might say, “Lee, Oprah Chai without milk is like Oprah without Stedman.” And I’d say to you, “Damn, you’re good at similes! But you’re wrong.”
8. Tazo Zen
Now this is a tea. Green tea, lemongrass, and spearmint all bring their A-game. I found inner peace by the third sip. Considering how much I loved their Teavana teas overall, it’s surprising that Tazo makes my favorite tea on the menu. ISN’T IT EQUALLY SURPRISING TO YOU, READER?!!?
Credit: Drew Swantak/Thrillist
7. Starbucks Doubleshot on Ice
They canned this stuff for a reason — it’s flawless. While the Espresso isn’t my thing, when you pour two shots over ice and add simple syrup and 2%, give me that all day long.
6. Mocha Latte
Ooo, adult hot chocolate! I want to fill my bathtub up with it, cover myself in marshmallows, and spend the day… sitting in the tub eating marshmallows. Slightly edges out the Doubleshot with those positively sinful mocha notes.
5. Java Chip Frappuccino
This is exactly the Double Chocolaty Chip Frapp you’ll see later in the ranking, but with coffee. I’m a huge fan of coffee flavors, but here it just steals the spotlight away from all the chocolate flavors. It’s a scene stealer that coffee — like Jonah Hill in that one scene in 40-Year-Old Virgin, where he plays some random dude haggling with Catherine Keener at the eBay store. When I saw that I thought, “They should get that little dumpling of a man his own movie!” The coffee in here deserves its own movie.
4. Flat White
While this tastes like a glass of warm milk with coffee flavoring to me, it actually has plenty of espresso — two ristretto shots and steamed whole milk. Whatever’s in it, it’s delicious. You also get a smooth and not-at-all bitter coffee finish, too. So much warm milk you’ll want to go to bed after drinking this. Also, my colleague was shown how Starbucks makes these, which is pretty cool.
Credit: Drew Swantak/Thrillist
3. Mocha Frappuccino
This has a dark chocolate feel to it, which I love. Does dark mocha exist? This is a grown-up Frapp. No whip on this sucker, because it’s for people over 40. This is the Frapp that hasn’t been on speaking terms with his ex-wife for a year. I’m not going through a mid-life crisis, but I love it anyway.
2. Double Chocolaty Chip Crème Frappuccino
When I ordered this (and three other Frapps), the barista playfully asked if I was tasting all their cream-based Frappuccinos today. “No,” I replied, stony-faced. “The entire menu.” He acted like he didn’t hear me. “No, seriously, the whole menu.” Still no reaction. I just want you to be proud of me, Dad! When I started drinking this chocolate sugar-bomb of delight, I knew that drinking my way through the whole menu was going to be a breeze. This beats the Mocha Frapp, but not by much — probably because of those added chocolate chips in the mix.
1. Coffee Frappuccino
When I was in high school, I used to think I loved coffee. I just poured a gallon of milk into it and added 47 sugar packets exactly. 48 would’ve been overkill! And while I didn’t like real coffee, I liked my version of it. Now I usually drink cold brew or a cup of pour-over. Yep, I’m a snob. Maybe I’ll add a little sugar, but rarely milk. This Frappuccino reminds me of why I used to love milk, coffee, and sugar all mixed up. It’s freaking delicious. This is perfect for what it is. And that’s why it’s #1.
Credit: Drew Swantak/Thrillist
Conclusion
It took 13 trips to Starbucks and around $150 (including tax, not tips) to taste-test 48 drinks on their year-round menu. I neglected to taste a few berry-based drinks so I wouldn’t break out into hives, but after 48 of them, I have a good feel for what Starbucks has to offer.
And yeah, I liked the Frappuccinos the best. I’m a grown-ass man with grown-ass taste, and those were ultimately the best things on the menu. There’s plenty of (sometimes pretentious) third-wave coffee shops for me to get single-origin beans and cold brew from. I go to Starbucks for the rush. The sugar rush.
Surprisingly, the best part of my experience was becoming a regular at a coffee shop again. And Starbucks is like any neighborhood cafe in that respect. After a few visits, the baristas began to recognize me. But, ultimately, the best thing on the menu is a drink you like from a face you probably know. And Starbucks delivered that (sugar-packed goodness) every single time.
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