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You told us: It's OK for your spouse to come before your kids

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Last week, a writer made waves when she wrote an article saying she loved her husband more than her kids. The story was a controversial one, but some people did think she had a point.

This past Thursday, we asked Yahoo Canada readers: Should your spouse ever come before your kids?

Some said: absolutely not.

There is no questions about it, the children must always come first, no matter what, for both parents,” writes user Manon. “If a dad accepts that his wife prefers him to their own children, then he is a very selfish man.

“After 49 years with my husband, I care more for my children,” says Jana. “[The] relationship with my husband can be changed, but my children are first and this cannot be changed…the bond for me is unbreakable.

Some said it depends on the timing of things.

“Your children always come first, then when they are adults then hubby comes first,” says Feduppery.

Many users pointed out that the love you feel for your spouse and the love you feel for your children is something that can’t be compared.

I don't think it's about loving someone more,” Heather M. explains. “It's not possible to measure....I don't love my husband and kids the same way, I don't even love each of my kids the same way but I know Iove all of them a lot. It's about making sure that as a mother you don't become all consumed with your kids and forget about the person who made those kids with you.

“It all depends on the relationship one has with their spouse. I loved my husband (still do), probably as much as I love my son, only in different ways. Since my husband passed away last month, it feels like half my heart has been ripped out,” adds Wendimac. “In a healthy relationship, spouses are indeed 'partners'...the person you start to build a life with, and hopefully the person that many will grow old with. Together you deal with good and bad times. And losing that partner leaves a void that is indescribable. At the same time, kids needs often have to come first, because they need us to care for them, and to look out for their best interests, and to love them unconditionally.

“Some are taking this too literally,” says Fastercat. “Just don't neglect your spouse in favor of showering all your attention and love on your children. Spread the love and attention all around, one on one, and as a group.

“They're different kinds of love. One is platonic, one is romantic. You work on your marriage, while you take care of your kids. If you don't love both equally, than something will go wrong down the line
,” says Roxie.

But many users agreed that it’s actually OK for your spouse to come before their children – and it’s the key to making a relationship last.

“This topic is overlooked sometimes. Usually it’s about which sibling is the favourite. My wife is my best friend and my number one,” Devin says. “I love our two boys to death and that will never change, but the way that I look at it is that the attraction and connection my wife and I made overshadows who we created by putting each other first.

I made a huge mistake when our son was born and devoted almost all of my time and energy to him, neglecting my husband in the process. My husband suffered a lot because of me, but he stuck with me...thankfully,” writes one user. “When our son was about 9, my eyes were opened and I saw the damage I'd done. I set out then to repair our relationship, admitted my guilt, and started to change the dynamic. Our relationship today is a strong one, but it could easily have gone the other way and I would be without this amazing man today.

“Ladies, your kids will be gone one day and you will regret not having that bond with your husband,” adds Karen.

Who do you agree with? Let us know in the comments.