Yelling, swearing at your teen can lead to depression, says study

Parents of generations past would be shocked to learn that the hallmarks of pre-21st century parenting are now considered borderline abusive by new guidelines.

Spanking has been virtually outlawed as a mode of discipline, while some child behaviourists even suggest that the word “no” can have damaging consequences for a young person’s development.

The latest disciplinary tool to hit the chopping block, according to a new study published in the journal Child Development, is good old fashioned yelling.

That’s right. Raising your voice to express anger with your rebellious 13-year-old – or even worse, swearing at them – can lead to an increased chance your child will develop symptoms of depression and anxiety, say researchers.

"This is one of the first studies to indicate that parents' harsh verbal discipline is damaging to the developing adolescent," says lead researcher Ming-Te Wang, an assistant professor of psychology in education at the University of Pittsburgh.

Also see: How parents might be making kids depressed

"The notion that harsh discipline is without consequence, once there is a strong parent-child bond – that the adolescent will understand that, 'They're doing this because they love me' – is misguided because parents' warmth didn't lessen the effects of harsh verbal discipline."

Researchers gathered feedback from 1,000 two-parent homes across the U.S. over a two-year period.

Subjects, both parents and children, answered a range of survey questions that tried to determine how often the parent yelled or swore out of anger at the child, and consequently, how the harsh discipline made the child feel and affected him or her over time.

In many cases, children whose parents threw names like “lazy” and “stupid” at them in anger, or yelled at them instead of controlling their anger and speaking to them instead, reported increased feelings of depression, anxiety and aggressive behaviour over the children whose parents did not use such tactics.

Of course, many parents find yelling an effective tactic, and as we’re all human beings prone to stress, fear and frustration, yelling does happen whether we mean it to or not.

Also see: Is public shaming the new spanking?

So what’s the alternative to disciplining a challenging adolescent?

The Wall Street Journal spoke to Timothy Verduin, clinical assistant professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at the Child Study Center at NYU Langone Medical Center in New York, who suggested calmly but firmly taking away privileges without exploding in anger is more effective.

Children need to know there are consequences for bad behaviour, and those consequences need to be enforced consistently in order for them to take you seriously.

However, "Make sure you do it without attaching a ton of critical, punitive, insulting kinds of language to it," he says. "You feel a lot more responsible for your behavior when you're being corrected by someone you respect and admire. Anything you do to berate or shame a kid erodes that power you have."

What are some of the ways you have effectively disciplined your teens without yelling, swearing or aggression? Sound off below.