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Freckle pencils and other ridiculous beauty products

Courtesy CR Fashion Book.

Looking to refresh your makeup and skincare stash this summer? File these beauty finds under "ridiculous" and "unnecessary."

Freckle Pencil

Freckle-faced gals used to spend their allowances on concealer, covering up the cute spots in order to fit in with beauty trends. Now it appears that freckles are in!

For those of us not blessed in the freckle department, we can simply draw them on — just like we did when we were 8 — with the new Freckle Pencil from Topshop.

What makes the Topshop pencil unique to the freckle pencils that have come before it is the marbleized formula that ensures each spot is unique. Just don't wipe the sweat off your brow, at the risk of smearing your handiwork.

The drawing-dots-on-your-face trend leaves us with one question: When will fashion editors be bringing back the eyeliner-made beauty spot?

Also see: How to get Jennifer Aniston's super toned arms

Face Slimmer Exercise Mouthpiece

The Face Slimmer Exercise Mouthpiece was designed to fight "sagging facial skin and muscles" in just three minutes a day. The contraption also has the added benefit of turning you into a human blowup doll.

For a less ridiculous-looking way to enhance those cheekbones, we recommend contouring.

Kush Breast Separator

According to Cosmopolitan:

"You know that terrible pain you feel when you're sleeping on your side and your breasts mash into each other? Me neither! But apparently it's a problem because there's a product for it."

It's supposed to address chest wrinkles, too. Even if it does provide a much-needed service for a particular demographic of women, the reviews aren't too kind. One major flaw: the "piece of in-no-way-phallic plastic" doesn't stay in place.

Also see: Most people are wearing the wrong shoe size

Betty Beauty's Bikini Hair Dye

Even if the 'do you're rocking this summer is a trendy shade of lilac, you can match from top to bottom, thanks to this pubic hair dye.

According to the official site, you can save money on bikini waxes by dolling up the hair down there. These dyes are also "a perfect way to bring spice to a dwindling relationship" — if your date doesn't mind sleeping with a half-woman, half-Muppet.

It also covers greys. So if that's a real area of insecurity, maybe it has one bona fide purpose.

My New Pink Button

If the Betty Beauty dyes aren't enough to boost your confidence in the bedroom, My New Pink Button is a "genital cosmetic colorant" guaranteed to temporarily "restore" the pink back to a woman's greying labia.

We couldn't make this stuff up.

The best part: the Amazon reviews:

I gotta say, after years of winning the game of anorexia [sic], hair dye, a great pancake make-up tone that hides my acne, Botox, designer clothes and shoes, implants, skin bleaching for my freckles, and other "little secrets" that my cosmetic surgeon is under waiver not to tell, I've always felt sad that, while I could have my lady parts tightened so I'm not waving [sic] a flag, there was nothing to do about the natural brownish color that truly reveals a woman's age.

Until now.

OK, so maybe the Freckle Pencil isn't that bad.

Also see: Makeup essentials to get you out the door faster

Other stuff you probably don't need:

Shaving cream infused with pheromones. Your legs are silly smooth. That should do the job.

Bottled water — for your face. You don't need to buy Evian Mineral Water Spray. Just spritz a little tap water onto your face using a reusable spray bottle. Saves money and the environment.

Lower lash mascara. Your "upper lash mascara" works on the bottom, too.

What's the most unnecessary beauty product you've come across?