Advertisement

Death Wish coffee brand promises 200 per cent more caffeine than any other coffee

There are people in this world – and you know who you are – who drink so much coffee that they can shoot back half a dozen espressos and fall asleep within 15 minutes.

Caffeine has become such a habitual visitor to their bloodstream that it would take a steady IV drip of java to even register sensation.

These people find a jumbo latte highly offensive, not just because you can buy a full meal for the same price, but because how dare all that milk dilute the sweet, sweet coffee at the bottom of the cup?

Does this sound familiar? Congratulations. Do we ever have a bunch of good news beans for you.

Death Wish Coffee has been crafted for the java junkie who enjoys testing the limits of their cardiovascular system on a daily basis.

The Upstate New York-based manufacturer claims to be the "world's strongest coffee." Thanks to the discovery of a super-caffeinated bean, their product contains 200 per cent more caffeine than the average cup of joe.

Just look at the disclaimer on the company’s ominous-looking website: “This is not your regular morning coffee. This is not your store bought coffee. You will not find this coffee at your local diner or at your sissy Starbucks. Death Wish Coffee is the most highly caffeinated premium dark roast organic coffee in the world. This is extreme coffee, not for the weak. consider yourself Warned.”

The skull and crossbones on the label are a nice, festive touch.

Naturally, this threat to your physical being has piqued your interest. (This is how aggressive marketing psychology works.) Your mind is probably racing with questions like which newly discovered undergrowth of exotic rainforest yielded this mysterious bean? How did they find it? Will it give you superhuman powers that will allow you to punch through cubicle walls and complete hours of paper work faster than the human eye can process?

Because of the scant information released by Death Wish Coffee Company, we unfortunately can’t answer any of these questions.

However, the About Us section does reveal that the Death Wishers were spurred into action by a desire to find a “dark, rich, bold and flavorful” coffee than maintained a highly-charged caffeine content.

Arabica beans, they explain, may be the most flavourful, popular type of bean brewed in coffee shops, but they lack the amplified caffeine content of their more bitter Robusta bean counterparts.

Furthermore, when a coffee is dark roasted, it actually loses caffeine content during the lengthier roasting process. So when you ask your local barista to hit you up with the strongest roast she’s got, you’re actually sipping on the low end of the caffeine spectrum.

It seems Death Wish was successful in finding a bean with the full flavour of Arabica dark roast, plus more caffeine than you could conjure in your wildest daydreams (not night dreams because sleep will soon be a distant memory.)

Without too much transparency, the company will allow that their beans are organically grown, fair trade and roasted to a medium-dark. At $19.99 per pound it’s also not cheap, but they’re so confident that their product is the most caffeinated blend on the market, if you are masochistic enough to find anything stronger or tastier they offer a 60-day 110 per cent money back guarantee.

The extra 10 per cent can be put toward the resultant hospital bills.

Now for an equally important question: How does it taste? Allow Devon to fill you in. If you haven’t had at least three cups of your own inferior blend yet this morning, may we suggest skipping to 2:51.

Other reviews have also been positive.

“As I poured Death Wish over ice, I noticed the beautiful deep brown hue. As the steaming hot coffee hit the ice cubes it made them crack apart and start to float. I eagerly stuck a red stripped straw in and took my first sip,” writes the Dropp’s Mallory Winstead.

“The fullness of the liquid was the first thing to hit my tongue. It was deep, rich and seemed to have layers of intensity. Since it was on ice, a cold rush of complex notes (almost nutty tasting) smoothly slid down my throat, waking me up instantly. The consistency seemed to be creamy even though it was completely unadulterated.”

But Time magazine writer Rebecca Nelson, a former Starbucks barista and self-described coffee addict, was less complimentary.

After two cups of Death Wish brew, she describes an incredibly high high and the inevitable crash: “I’m incredibly energized, blowing through tasks while dancing in my swivel chair. I’m sweating a little bit, though,” she writes 30 minutes after her first cup.

Four hours and a second cup later… the other shoe. “You know that feeling when your eyes have been open for 36 hours straight? That’s what it’s like to stare at my computer screen. I could also nap.”

Caffeinators: Drink at your own peril.