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Danish X-Factor judge creates worst show in television history

It's one giant step backward for mankind.

A scuzzy Danish X-Factor judge has developed a live television show in which he and an equally questionable buddy critique the naked bodies of women.

Each episode will feature Thomas Blachman and a guest host lounging on a sofa, picking apart the naked bodies of the women who, one at a time, stand in front of them awaiting judgment.

Apparently it doesn't matter how chauvinistic, inappropriate or insulting the comments are, as Blachman claims that all us women need is just need to hear anything from a guy like him.

"The female body thirsts for the words of a man," he tells the Daily Mail.

You know what words our bodies don't need to hear? Ones like the following, spoken by Blachman in one clip of the show:

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"Now, I’ve always been an ass man. Would you mind turning around for a moment? Very animated nipples. How does that p***y work for you?"

He claims such critiques are helping him meet the higher objective of "discussing the aesthetics of a female body without allowing the conversation to become pornographic or politically correct."

Understandably, every decent human being on the planet thinks the talk show, simply named "Blachman," is one of the most offensive to air — ever.

"The program's so-called intention of breaking down taboos or challenging stereotypes is rubbish," author Knud Romer tells the Daily Mail. "It's more like a claustrophobic strip club which only serves to cement classic concepts of male dominance. Basically, things like this should have been able consigned to the scrap heap of history years ago."

Blachman, however, doesn't quite understand the outrage.

"Remember, I am giving you something that you have never seen before. Don't bite the hand that feeds you," he says.

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That's right. He's doing us a favour, ladies, by helping to "revise women’s view of men's view of women."

"Sorry, Tommy, but when you’re force-feeding me juveline sexism and the most unapologetic type of objectification possible, I’m not going to be in the mood to swallow," writes Kitty Pasola of Women, Fire and Dangerous Bullshit.

"Say what you want, but on [Howard] Stern, everyone is in on the joke — especially the women who take off their clothes and who usually have plenty to say in response. And at the end of the day, they’re part of a kind of comedy that can be crass but also occasionally full of heart," writes The New York Daily News' Don Kaplan. "'Blachman'" on the other hand has the appeal of a steer auction and its host has the charisma of a cow pie. He’s got to be the ugliest thing on the air anywhere."

Surprisingly, the show's female producer Sofia Fromberg defends "Blachman."

"Here we have a program that reveals what men think about the female body. Quite honestly, what is wrong with that?"

What is wrong with that? Everything.