Let Penn State Be a Lesson..
As a voracious Shine! reader, I have come across articles that upset me from time to time, that's a given. However, I could not believe my eyes when I saw an article today on the Penn State molestation rulings by the NCAA; Joe Paterno's family had the gall to say that the ruling is unfair, that it "defames JoePa's legacy." Now, I started to make this article just a rant against the Paterno family... but there will be enough of that in the comments on the main article, so I thought about what I could say here that could actually help someone, and not simply alleviate my rage through a (well-deserved) bashing of the Paterno clan.
This children were raped by a monster, there is no denying that... and Sandusky deserves to die in prison for what he did. Something just keeps nagging at me, though. when things like this happen, I can't help but wonder if the victim had ever been talked to about how to handle a situation like this. Right or wrong, my instinct is, at least partly, to blame the parents of the victim as well as the pedophile. I have talked to me girls on several occasions about the possibility of this kind of behavior. I have told them that no matter who the person who tries it is, no threat they make is true (because if they tell, the police will lock the person up, and they can't follow through with the threat), that no one who cared for or loved them would ever attempt to do such a thing (so they should never feel guilt for telling), and above all: that anyone who asks them "not to tell" Mommy or Daddy anything, should be immediately reported to Mommy or Daddy (yes, even if the secret-keeper is Mommy or Daddy).
Do I think that these precautions will prevent this nightmare from ever happening to my girls? No. I'm not that naive. I do believe that these precautions will give my girls the skills needed to stop a pedophile dead in their tracks after one try, though. I believe that talking to my girls about this has made them more likely to seek help, to feel good enough about themselves and confident in their right to say no, and to ask for help when "no" doesn't work. I was rewarded for my difficult discussions two years ago, when my youngest informed me that her best friend, Page (not real name) had been threatened with grounding by her mother. Why? Her mother, Brandy, had a boyfriend who had just been arrested for possession of child pornography. Page was told never to tell anyone about his arrest. My little girl came straight to me. "Mom," she said, "Miss Brandy told Page that she can't tell her Daddy about Andrew's pictures, and you said there are no secrets from a Mommy or Daddy." I called Page's father, and he took her away from Brandy.
All I am trying to say is please, please, talk to your children. It may be uncomfortable, it may feel impossible to imagine confirming to your child that these things are real, and most of all, you may think they are to young. They aren't, but you know what they ARE to young for? Sexual contact. Think about it, please.
