Women and Men Are Equal Because We All Watch Porn
By Stef Halmos for HowAboutWe
I date all kinds of men. I date all kind of women, too. I am open to everything, both inside and outside the bedroom, but I simply cannot stand ignorance. Specifically, I cannot stand to be around someone who is ignorant to feminist thought and expression. Sure, the word feminism is still (for no necessary reason) alienating to a lot of men. In my opinion, everyone should be a feminist, men and women alike. It isn't a scary word, nor idea. Equality, kids -- get on it.
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Recently I went on a date with a guy named, oh let's call him Chad. His real name was Bryan with a "y", but let's go with Chad, to be professional. I knew right off the bat that it wasn't going to work when Chad started arguing with me about a topic which I found so incredibly insulting, machismo, and gendered that by the end of it, I almost took him home to prove my point. He told me that women don't watch porn. Now, it's bad enough to be told, by a man, what women do and do not get into behind closed doors. But then he had the nerve to argue with me when I disagreed. The conversation went something like this:
Me: I bought my friend some porn because he is in the Peace Corps in the middle of nowhere and I thought he might need some material for jerking off.
Chad: How did you know what to buy him?
Me: Because I've known him for years and I know what kind of porn he likes.
Chad: Well, was it weird for you to buy? I mean, since women don't watch porn.
Me: (Laughing) Are you kidding?
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Chad: No.
Me: Women watch porn. Not all women, just like not all men watch porn, but a lot of women watch porn.
Chad: No you don't. You say you watch porn but you don't actually watch it.
Me: I'm telling you, I watch porn. And I have friends, WITH VAGINAS, who watch porn, too.
Chad: But you guys just watch it to see what guys like about it so much.
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Me: Dude, two hours before you picked me up, I watched porn, while masturbating, and had an orgasm. All on my own. And I loved it. I f*cking promise you, women watch porn.
This may be the singular achievement in my feminist rhetoric, which is part of my daily life. Sure, some porn is horrible. So horrible, in fact, that it turns many women off to the idea of watching anything pornographic whatsoever (and rightfully so). Some porn profits off the abuse and humiliation of women. Lots of porn takes advantage of very young women who are frightened or insecure while at the mercy of the grown men creating, directing, distributing and performing in the industry.
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But then, there are plenty of female sex workers who love being filmed and "get off" on their job (pun intended). There are women who perform sex on camera because they feel empowered and excited to do so. There is porn created by and for women, such as Pink Films. There is Kink.com, which openly invites all kinds to indulge in their personal fetishes, no matter how unusual. The point is, I found this argument with Chad to be an inspiring starting point for the idea that everyone can be a feminist. The next time a man attempts to put women into a gender binary which takes away our power, I can just say to him, "We're all equal!... We all watch porn!"
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For every woman who prefers missionary position during sex, there is a woman who prefers to be flipped over and spanked. One is no better than the other. If feminism teaches us anything it is simply that any definition of "woman" or "femininity" is no longer applicable. The relationship with and language to sex has changed, and for women that has opened the door of possibility of sexual expression. We all know this. What's important is that we respect it. Now if you'll excuse me… I have to go show some guy my tits in order to try and land an underpaid job. We still have much work to do.
