Single as a Dollar Bill
Following a bad breakup, I have found myself single for the past three years. While, I am human, and have experienced the crying, and the pain and long, sleepless nights filled with thoughts of torching his car and new "fiancee"... I am in a much better place. While I am ready to date again, I find that the environment offers an incredible shortage of eligible, single men who are also ready to date.
So, in order to fight a downhill battle, versus the uphill battle which was costing me too much emotional energy, I decided to develop a plan to cope. Of all the solutions to dealing with breaking up, the one most prevalent: I just needed to learn how to BE SINGLE.
While being in a "good" relationship is always good, because companionship is needed... and its always good to have someone there... Being single is not a death sentence. Being alone is an opportunity to experience your own dreams and desires.
Some advice on how to just BE SINGLE:
1. Just because u are alone, doesnt mean you have to be lonely. Plan monthly cocktail hours with your network of friends. If you find your network has depleted due to your own neglect while in your relationship, mend those fences, by using the monthly cocktail hours as a way to connect. Be sure to have all favorite cocktails and fixings with really tasty snacks and an activity of sorts (perhaps a movie plus discussion or a book club).
2. Although the breakup was hard and you are still feeling the residuals of sadness, its ok to allow yourself a "look at me, I'm single" makeover. Make a month-long project of researching different clothing, hair and makeup styles in magazines and online, as well as, going to the stores to try on different fits and styles of clothing... Also, making an appointment with your stylist for a new color or cut, can honestly be refreshing. Shifting your look to tastefully sexy, can actually catapult your confidence to an unprecedented place.
3. Making it "BETTER" for yourself doesnt have to be an uphill battle. Face it- its not time to jump into a relationship yet, when you are STILL working too hard to get over the ex. Give yourself a break, and take a chill pill. Plan some "alone-time" activities: Spa visits, reading a good book at the beach, planning and cooking an incredible "meal-for-one", bike riding... Do some things you enjoy.
4. The inability to BE ALONE is not a disease, its just an internal belief. Expand your non-romantic friend network to include people from both sexes. Facebook,Twitter and Google+ are very good sustainable social platforms, where you can meet people through others. And you can reconnect with people who have been in your life in the past. Bring the online social network to life and plan some "Meet and Greet" opportunities at a local pub, bowling alley or skating rink. Make it engaging... Set up your laptop and allow the "Meet and Greet" to be streamed to the web. The next day, post about the event, thank the attendees, engage individuals who stuck out on a one-on-one basis. This will start a long stream of interactions with "new" people.
5. Haste makes waste. Patience is attractive. Patience means you are satisfied with who you are, and where you are in your life. Take every opportunity to exude this attitude of patience. The more you practice it, the better you will look doing it, and the better you will be at it. Trust and believe, there is a huge difference. Dont be the first to accept all invitations. If its not your grandmothers 98th birthday party, tell inviters you have to check your schedule and get back to them, and keep your options open for better opportunities which can come up. Also, while you want to have integrity and call people back or respond when you say you will, take your time about committing to things. Meet RSVP deadlines without pressuring yourself too early on.
6. "Surrounding yourself with positive people" makes you positive. While you are not a "user", it helps to have useful people in your life, who you can also be useful to. Making a homecooked dish for the handy guy who can work a wrench and a pair of pliers. A $5 Sephora coupon for a female friend who knows how to make a damn good cocktail... Building a network of non-romatic friends and associates who are useful helps you fill the void left by no longer having a boyfriend to tend to some of these needs... or for you to tend to.
7. Make some "single-people" decisions: A travel group is going on vacation to someplace you want to go, you have the money, book it for yourself. You are dancing to the music at a new local spot, and would usually leave at midnight- because you are so accustomed to considering other people's concerns about staying out late: Well, ROCK OUT, and close down the spot. You know he would have thought you were crazy to put that huge wall-sized mirror in your hall... GO BUY the mirror and get handy man to put it up! The more you make "single-people" decisions, the better you will be at it.
I have grabbed "Being Single" by the horns and am riding it like a soft wave~
