Is He the One for You?
by Jené Luciani
He may leave his dirty socks on the floor, but at least he opens the door for you. When it comes to relationships, you take the good with the bad. But when you're dating a guy you think just might be Mr. Right, how do you determine if he's really the one you're destined to spend the rest of your life with?
We went to the experts to find out how to tell if a guy truly is Mr. Right-or just Mr. Right Now. Here are five tests your soulmate must pass.
1. The chivalry test:Patti Stanger, Millionaire Matchmaker, author, and Bravo TV star, says chivalry is not dead-at least not when it comes to the 'good' ones.
"Things like opening the car door or immediately giving you your portion of food when you're splitting a dish at a restaurant-these are all important signs to look for to know if he'll ultimately treat you right," Stanger says.
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And in this case especially, actions speak louder than words. "Words are often used as a substitute for romantic actions, but are empty without follow-through," says social worker and addiction specialist Andrew Spanswick.
2. The friendship test: A good relationship needs both a strong mind and body connection. "Would you still want to hang out with this person even if they weren't sexually exciting to you?" asks 'relationshipologist' Lindsay Kriger.
And you should take your partner at more than face value. "Good looks fade, but a bad personality is forever," she adds. California-based psychologist Colleen Long concurs. "Could you have fun simply waiting in line with him at the DMV?" she asks. "The best relationships are people who can be best friends," Stanger says.
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3. The money test: It's no surprise that statistics show arguments over money is a deal-breaker in many marriages. So, Stanger advises to find out where you stand before you take those vows. "How do you spend your money? How does he spend his? Do you differ? Do you agree and compromise even if he's the saver and you're the spender? These are all important questions to ask when you're starting any committed relationship," Stanger says.
"Financial irresponsibility will create life-long stress and deprivation," says South California-based psychotherapist Tina Tessina. "If he gambles money away or even just spends it on the latest tech toys when you're looking to secure your financial future, the relationship will not work," she adds.
4. The family values test: Do you both want the same number of kids, if any at all? Is he expecting you to convert from Catholicism to Judaism? "From religion to maintaining the household, sex, and kids, you must share the same core values and beliefs when it comes to commitment," says celebrity relationship expert Kailen Rosenberg.
"A lot of what makes for conflict in a relationship is when people have different core values on key issues and it's not discussed in advance," Kriger says.
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5. The 'Titanic' Love Test: Stanger says to envision this hypothetical scenario: The ship goes down and you're in the water, freezing. Does he give you the piece of wood to save your life? It sounds heavy duty but that "Titanic Love" as Stanger calls it, is what it takes to sustain a lifelong partnership.
"When he loves you so much that you're all he cares about, it's proof that you're his first priority," she adds.
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