For the Love of God

There is one deal breaker that I will never budge on. To me, it is the most important one. It is the one instance that no matter how much I like a man, adore a man or am attracted, I will not change my mind. I can't compromise here and some may see me as a fool.

He must believe in God.

I don't care if someone has religion or even what religion they follow. I don't care if they call God a Higher Power, Allah, Supreme Being, Her, Him or even Fred. I just need to have the assurance that he will not knock my faith or make fun of me for having it. I would not do that to anyone, non-believer or believer. I simply want to know, that when the odd things that happen in my life happen-my future love will understand that I will see God somewhere in that picture.

I think that to debate my faith with one of the ones who is to love me-who I am to love, is exhausting. If you don't believe at all in the existence of a God, then you will never be able to "get" me, to understand me or to truly accept the secret aspects of my life. It is at the core of who I am. My faith is. It has always been. It isn't something that I want to change however much questioning I may do. And it is not my intention to change anyone's thinking either.

I don't practice any particular religion though I do hold certain religious beliefs. I practice at living since I don't seem to be a natural at it. I practice kindness, and compassion. I practice patience and empathy. I even practice being angry and speaking my mind without destroying the people around me. I have to practice these things all the time due to me being human.

I am not perfect in the least. I don't have all the answers. I don't even have any idea what I am actually doing. I only know that whatever is happening, wherever I may be going to or going through, I am not doing it alone or with an internal GPS. I've always been bad at directions so I make a lot of detours. I stumble and fall. I rage against God's choices when I realize where he may be leading is where I don't feel like going, or what I am being pulled from is what I want to have. Yet, I know with such assurance it is all leading up to something whether it is something big or small.

I am a believer in miracles. I know love is a miracle. Life is a miracle. To have either as well as both is a blessing. It isn't a right or a guarantee to have either. I want the one who I will share my life with to know that it will be a miracle to find each other at all. That it is an intricate dance and design as each person is brought into our lives, brought out of our lives, or actually stays to dance the final waltz. I would like the man who shares my life to find me a blessing to his life as much as I will know he is one to mine.

Monika M. Basile