6 Crazy Things Women Do to Lose Weight
I've spent my entire adult life living in either NYC or Los Angeles.
I'm pretty used to being around women doing weird things in the name of vanity and losing weight. So when I heard about the feeding tube diet, I was unfazed. The surprising part to me was the eruption of outrage and disgust that followed the story in the New York Times Style section.
This diet involves spending eight days on a portable feeding tube inserted through the nose. It supplies less than 1000 calories per day of liquid nutrition. It sounds extreme, but when you think about it, women have been doing crazier things to squeeze into a dress. At least this one is supervised by a doctor.
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Some people are upset because they feel that this is a serious medical procedure that's being trivialized. But aren't tons of medical procedures eventually adapted for cosmetic use? Important medical devices and technologies have been used for frivolous reasons for ages. If there were a limited number of feeding tubes in the world and they were being taken away from people who really needed it, I would be outraged. Otherwise, I say live and let live. They're not hurting anyone, except maybe themselves.
Some women will try any quick fix for losing weight, in an effort to avoid eating more vegetables and less cake. They've been using techniques that are just as outrageous as the feeding tube diet. Here are 6 of the craziest things women do to lose weight:
1. The Master Cleanse
On this diet, you consume nothing but spicy lemonade for 10 days (or more), but that's the easy part. Nobody likes to talk about the "salt water flush" aspect of this diet. When you consume nothing but liquid, there's no solids to... push things through. So, you're supposed to consume a quart of salt water every morning that you're on this diet. Then you wait around the house for an hour or so until you literally explode. Yes, out of your butt.
2. Tapeworm
You think this photo of a garden worm is gross? Consider yourself lucky that I spared you the sight of a tapeworm. This disgusting-looking parasite is intentionally ingested so that it will consume all your food for you. Eat as much as you want! This little guy will eat it all for you. For the low, low cost of free rent in your bowels. Sounds like a bargain to me. The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out...
Related: 17 recipe tweaks to make your favorite meals healthier
3. HCG
The HCG diet suggests you eat around 500 calories a day while getting daily shots of human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG), a hormone produced by the placenta during pregnancy. Finding a doctor to hook you up to a feeding tube might be easier than finding a doctor who buys into this widely debunked diet.
4. Colonics
A favorite of celebrities on the day before an awards show to flatten the belly. Does it remove weight for more than a day or two? No. Does it take about five pounds of poop out of you and instantly flatten your belly? Hells, yes. It's also pretty awkward and uncomfortable.
Related: 10 super-foods your kids (and you!) should be eating
5. Diet Pills
Magic little bullets. Diet pills are way more dangerous than a feeding tube. But they continue to appeal to women, even after all those people died from taking fen-phen. In German folklore, the magic bullet ends up killing the poor idiot who bought it from the devil in the first place.
6. Liposuction
I'm not squeamish or judgmental about plastic surgery. But for some reason, the idea of someone jutting a tube into my thigh and sucking the fat out kind of freaks me out. After having a kid, I'm pretty comfortable with bodily fluids including blood, feces, urine, and mucus. But fat? I hope to never come face to face with my own fat.
- By Cassandra Barry
For 4 more crazy things women do to lose weight, visit Babble!
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is sometimes known for playing the role of "my lovely wife" in Joel Stein's columns for Time magazine and other publications. His story in which she ate her own placenta in pill form is the one she's most often asked about. Her son, Laszlo, is in preschool. After several years in New York City, she loves living in Los Angeles, where she works as a textile designer.
