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3 Ways to Get Him to Open Up


By ADRIANA ERMTER

Last weekend, while at a friend’s barbecue, one of the guests asked when my husband and I were going to have a baby. Stunned—considering I’d only met the, umm, shall we say, boldly-enquiring man a mere 20 minutes earlier—I think my mouth hung open and my eyes had little exclamation points dangling in the space where my pupils usually reside for a full 30-seconds before responding: “ask him” and pointed towards the green space where my husband was throwing a football.

Sure, we’ve had “the talk,” like, a thousand times. And yet, I would still far rather discuss the merits of each Kardashian sister or the intricacies behind achieving the perfect dunk shot, before I’d choose to talk about the right time to have a kid. 

“The thought of broaching a difficult subject with your partner can often leave you feeling vulnerable and exposed,” explains Natalie Riback, a psychotherapist at the Toronto-based Park Road Healing Arts Clinic. “People are afraid that if they open up about the hard stuff, their ideas or feelings will be criticized, judged or rejected.” Here are three positive ways to get the words out without feeling nauseous:
 
1. Zen out
Whether you’re addressing babies or bedroom, wait until you’re both in a calm state before starting the conversation. “Anger tends to encourage more anger and accusations cause us to become defensive,” warns Riback. She recommends gathering your thoughts, taking a deep breath and then delivering your message in a calm and straightforward manner. 
 
2. Expect nothing
It’s easy to fantasize about how the conversation will go, but don’t. As for imagining the worst-case scenario: you’ll have your back up before “there's even a battle to fight,” says Riback. Lose the expectations and just let the conversation unfold naturally. “If you do, you will feel freer to communicate your thoughts.”
 
3. Be open
There’s no point in speaking your mind if you don’t fully disclose. “Explain how you're feeling, describe what you're afraid of and be accountable for any mistakes you've made,” suggests Riback. “Your honesty will leave you feeling unencumbered and, hopefully, will inspire your partner to be just as open in return.”

Read More:
Man-Speak: How to Decipher What He's Really Saying
3 Tips: The Right Way to Argue in a Relationship
How To Talk To Your Spouse About Money

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