19 Things No One Told You About Having a Baby
19 Things No One Told You About Having a Baby
When you're pregnant, vague images of pushing strollers and changing diapers fill your mind, but it's hard to know what it will really feel like to be a mom until you're face-to-face with that tiny little new person. Here are 19 things we wish we'd known about having a baby.
Everything Around You Will Suddenly Seem Ridiculously Dangerous
The world has always been a not-so-safe place, but the moment your baby arrives, the threat level goes to DEF CON 5. You'll fear second-hand smoke, exhaust from old cars, BPA-leaching baby bottles, lead in teething toys and germs in the unsanitized wandering hands of everybody who finds your baby irresistible. How do you deal? At first, not very well. But eventually, you'll accept that you can't prtect your child from everything, including chicken nuggets.
You'll Mess Up, A Lot
You'll Mess Up, A Lot
One really wonderful thing about becoming a parent is that you simply cannot stay smug for long. Every day, sometimes several times a day, the rules change, and you are forced to learn, grow, adapt and get a sense of humor about it all. You'll forget to change the diaper, you'll be unable to calm your sobbing baby or you won't be able burp her. And that's okay. Often only your newborn and your cat will witness your mess-ups -- and neither of them can talk.
You Will Say Horrible Things to Your Spouse
You Will Say Horrible Things to Your Spouse
He'll say nasty things, too. And in the morning, you both will forget it and move on. Sure, you called your husband a cold-hearted F@#!% face when he rolled over last night when the baby was crying and he was supposed to be "on duty." And yes, he declared that you have lost your F&$@?! mind when you told him you wanted him to redo the swaddle. Ahhh, the sweet nothings new parents say to each other at 3:20am. The thing is: Sleep deprivation coupled with anxiety about your new role as parents is a potent combination. But in the end, you'll either remember that you're in this together or you'll start getting more sleep -- whichever comes first.
You Don't Need to Entertain Your Baby
You Don't Need to Entertain Your Baby
When you first have a baby, it's easy to wonder what the two of you will do all day. But after all the feedings, naps and diaper changes, there's actually not tons of time left. So don't think you need to spend it holding flash cards in front of your infant. Going for a walk, sitting in a coffee shop or watching the dog all count as stimulating and educational activity. You've got years and years of pretend play ahead of you -- don't stress about putting on a show for your babe. Just bring her along to something that you'll enjoy doing. Trust us, there are plenty of interesting things to look at in the shoe store.
Everyday Tasks Become a Bit More Complicated
Everyday Tasks Become a Bit More Complicated
As a woman without kids, running errands was easy -- and sometimes even incredibly satisfying. Trying to knock off just one more thing on your To-Do list when you have a ticking time bomb (okay, baby) strapped to you in a carrier can have the exact opposite effect. At first you'll be panicked that your baby will have a blowout poop at the grocery store or will start to fuss when you're in line at the bank. But you will become much better at feeding/changing/soothing on the go, you will discover many bathrooms with a changing station and you will, at times, be in awe of the kindess and sympathy of the many, many strangers who tell you they've been there.
You Will Be Upstaged
You Will Be Upstaged
You may have gotten used to complete strangers giving up their seats for you or asking you're feeling. But now that the baby's on the scene, everyone will want to know how he's doing. Foot massages from your husband (if you were lucky enough to get them) are reserved for your little guy's adorable piggies. Face it, you have been put in the backseat. And you aren't back there all cozy in a car seat, snoozing away. Like that darn baby.
You Will Have Moments When You Feel Insane
You Will Have Moments When You Feel Insane
In the middle of the night, logic disappears. You may feel the need to check that the baby is breathing every five minutes, until you are so tired that you finally just crash on the nursery floor. When you finally accept that you don't need to monitor baby constantly and that you can (and should) actually sleep between feedings, you may start to fear that you won't hear the baby crying. If you're formula-feeding, you may toss multiple servings into the garbage because exhaustion causes you to forget how many scoops you already added to the water. Yes, lack of sleep leads to irrational fear. But apparently your brain has reserves, because as daylight comes, things miraculously start to seem brighter.
Perfect Moms Will Be a Mystery to You
Perfect Moms Will Be a Mystery to You
You know the ones -- their babies never cry and they can sip a latte while pushing a stroller with one hand. Who taught them how to do that? Did they train before getting pregnant? Perfect Mom floats around gracefully while the baby weight literally melts off. But here's thing: Perfect Mom, too, has her bad days. And when you talk to her, she'll probably be all too happy to tell you about the diaper explosion that left her covered in poop. Because no one's perfect -- and believe it or not, there will be days when you're on the ball and everyone else will be looking at you with envy.
Learning to Breastfeed Can Be Stressful
Learning to Breastfeed Can Be Stressful
Breastfeeding may be natural, but that doesn't mean it's easy. From sore nipples to clogged milk ducts (never mind trying to get your baby to latch on properly), learning to nurse can be a whole lot harder than it looks. Getting off to a good start is key -- so try to connect with a lactation consultant in the hospital or attend a breastfeeding support group when you're home. (You can find one through your local chapter of the La Leche League.) If you're having trouble, get help as soon as possible -- from a lactation consultant (the La Leche League can refer you to one) or your baby's pediatrician. And if breastfeeding doesn't work out or you need to do a combination of formula-feeding and breastfeeding, don't beat yourself up. Breastfeeding is not the only measure of being a good mom: You might nurse for about a year, but you'll do the rest of your child-rearing for about 18 years.
You Will Never Look the Same in a Bathing Suit
You Will Never Look the Same in a Bathing Suit
No matter how good Jessica Alba looks post-baby, most moms don't completely bounce back to their old bodies after pregnancy. Your tummy will likely remain squishy for a long time and, yes, you may end up swapping your old bikini and investing in a swim "dress." (They're actually kind of comfy.) The consolation that you have brought a new life into the world helps a lot -- and so will just making an effort to look good anyway. Buy yourself a few outfits that make you feel fabulous and wear them often, not just on special occasions. Don't worry if they get stained with spit-up -- we're guessing that's even happened to Jessica Alba.
Maternity Leave is Harder Than a Full-Time Job
Maternity Leave is Harder Than a Full-Time Job
Before you have a baby, the idea of maternity leave can stretch out before you like a vacation -- a time to do every last little project you ever wanted to do. Then you have a baby and in a cycle of feeding, naps, burping and diaper changes, you may realize that it's 4pm and you're still in your pajamas. Maternity leave is an incredibly special time to bond with your baby, but it can be grueling. And when you return to your job, it will be hard to leave your baby, but you may enjoy the adult conversation and the freedom to go to the bathroom when you want, too.
Even Small Choices May Overwhelm You
Even Small Choices May Overwhelm You
Even the smallest choices -- between this brand of baby food or that one, between a sling or a carrier -- will feel like you are deciding how to handle the national deficit. This is normal. You are tired and, let's face it, there are too many choices out there. Bigger decisions, like finding the right childcare, will be even more difficult because you're scared to death you'll make the wrong choice. Try to remember that children are remarkably resilient -- and love and caring goes a long way.
You May Never Get Out of the House on Time
You May Never Get Out of the House on Time
However long you think it will take you to get ready, triple it. As a rule, your child will either have a poop explosion just as you are walking out the door or you will drive five miles from home before you realize you forgot the diaper bag. Babies are notorious for messing with your schedule, so don't let it rattle you -- try to accept it and just factor in a big cushion when you need to arrive somewhere on time.
You'll Look at Your Job Differently
You'll Look at Your Job Differently
Yes, you can still be a high-achieving, ceiling-shattering, knock-'em-dead worker once you have kids. But your job won't define you like it once did. When you meet new people, you might find that you tell them about who you are before you tell them what you do. You might no longer have the desire to work super-late on projects that could easily be done the next day. And your view of your coworkers may change, too. (He seemed so down to earth, but he won't let me leave early to relieve the babysitter?) These parental tectonics don't make you a less valuable worker, but they do change your perspective.
Your
Your "Mom" Friends Will Save Your Sanity
When you first spy moms at the local coffee shop, chit-chatting, rocking, soothing and breastfeeding, a pang will hit. All of a sudden, you'll feel left-out, like the new kid at school. But the great news is that there are tons of other sleep-deprived new moms out there who are eager to find someone who's in the same place. Join a mom's group or take a baby class or just strike up a conversation with another mom at the park. Eventually, you'll find at least one (or five) cool ladies you want to hang out with. And at some point, you'll even forget to talk about the kids with them.
You'll Learn to Accept Help
You'll Learn to Accept Help
If you're the type who hates to ask others to do anything for you, now's the time to get over it. Your friends and loved ones will feel good knowing that they've helped you out, and, of course, you need the extra hands on deck. And don't bite the hand that feeds you -- if the angle at which your mother-in-law holds the bottle irks you, take a deep breath and walk away so you don't have to witness it. Then go take a nap.
You'll Get Drawn Into One-Up Conversations
You'll Get Drawn Into One-Up Conversations
As nice -- and important -- as it is to have a support network of other moms with kids the same age as yours, you'll run into moms who can't stop comparing developmental milestones. If your child hasn't rolled over yet and the rest of the kids at playgroup are doing somersaults, you might feel bad about it. Try to steer competitive conversations into positive territory (something you know both of your children are doing) or bring up something neutral, like the fact that you are still peeing all the time. Then feel free to head to the bathroom.
Being Alone Will Suddenly Become The Most Wonderful Thing Ever
Being Alone Will Suddenly Become The Most Wonderful Thing Ever
You love your baby and your husband. You feel so lucky and blessed to have them in your life. You are also so sick of both of them. Make sure to get away from the action every so often, whether it's by taking a shower or a short, brisk walk, or making yourself a healthy smoothie and drinking it while thumbing through a magazine. Alone time is key to your sanity. Stealing some solitary moments to remember that you are still you -- and not just a mom or a wife -- will give you that little boost you need before going back to the trenches.
You Will Find Your Groove
You Will Find Your Groove
Even if you've known your whole life that you've wanted to be a mom and even if you had the best mom on the planet to teach you, parenting doesn't always come easily. All the scheduling and stamina that can be required when taking care of a little baby can be a lot harder than you expect. In this game, it's all about just putting in your best effort. You'll find a way to muddle through the difficult parts until you find your strengths as a Mom -- and then you can really shine.
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