Once again, I'd like to thank all of Hollywood for the nonstop supply of "teachable moments" they are constantly hurling at me. The latest involves a picture posted on Instagram by future mega-star Willow Smith, daughter of Will and Jada, in which the 11-year-old appears to be sporting a big old tongue piercing.
My daughters: "How come Willow was allowed to get her tongue pierced?"
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Me: "Well, kids, we're not even sure if that's a real piercing. It might be one of those fake magnet-kinds they sell at Claire's."
My daughters: "But you won't even let us get that kind! You said we might swallow them and then they could tear a hole right through our intersections!"
Me: "It's your intestines, sweeties, and excellent recall, I might add. Do you remember what happens if you get a hole in your intestines?"
My daughters: "Yeah, yeah, we know. We die. So then can we get the real kind?"
Me: "Of course you can! Just as soon as you're on your own and paying all of your own medical bills."
My daughters: "Oh right, because it’s very expensive to treat an infected tongue. Okay fine, we won't pierce our tongues. But can we shave our heads and dye the fuzz pink like Willow?"
Me: "Absolutely, go right ahead! Just as soon as you're on your own, that is. I just hope your bosses don't fire you."
My daughters: "You're mean."
Yes, girls. I am. If you don't think I'm mean, I'm not doing my job. Turns out the tongue piercing is fake, as the pint-size star noted on the photo, and according to the Huffington Post, the Smiths would have had to give permission under California's "underage piercing law." Real or fake: Would you let your kids do this?
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