You hear this over and over again: Nice guys finish last. Women just don't want a nice guy; they want the jerk, the bad boy. So you think to yourself, “I've got to learn how to be a complete player. I've got to learn how to put women down. I’ve got to learn how to not call her, how to make her want me. I've got to play games. I've got to create attraction that way -- that's what's going to work.”
Guess what happens when the nice guy starts to do that? He can't make that work either. Because it’s not authentic. He doesn't own his words, he doesn't come across as that type of person and a woman can read right through it and know that he's just playing a game.
So what does he do? He does the right thing. He treats women with lots of respect. Women always seem to say to him, “I just want to be friends.” Well, do nice guys finish last? It's partially true.
Women don't really want the nice guy. They always say they want a nice guy, but what they really want is a great guy. A guy with principles. A guy who really understands and respects himself. Nice guys respect themselves in a way, but they always agree. Whenever they're out on a date with a woman, they're always agreeing with everything she says. She may say, “I love to eat eggs while hiking up a mountain.” And while the nice guy knows doing something like that will give him indigestion, he'll say, “Sounds great! I love to hike mountains while eating eggs, too!” She may tell him, “I really want to take a skydiving vacation.” The nice guy might have acrophobia, and still he'll say, “Me, too!”
The Nice Guy Defined
While the nice guy is an agreeable person, he's got no control over his life. He allows women to come into his life, he agrees with them on everything, and hopes and prays that these women will like him for being so agreeable. It's so important for women to like him, so he's Mr. Agreeable.Mr. Agreeable never gets the girl. He never gets the second date after the first because he's boring. What being so agreeable tells a woman is that you do not have enough self-respect to stand up to your own values. You don't think enough of yourself to own your identity, so you become accommodating, inoffensive and boring. You become the boring nice guy nobody wants to date. When you’re attracted to a woman, you do everything you can to please her. She's got a cold? You’ll bring her cold medicine. She tells you she's got a headache tonight? You drive her home. She tells you that she can't see you this weekend, you'll say, “Oh, that's OK. We'll get together whenever you're ready.” You don't have a plan. You're wishy-washy on everything you do. You're Mr. Whatever-You-Want-To-Do.
Why do nice guys finish last? Dating expert David Wygant continues to answer that next...
The nice guy is actually giving up control over his life to the women he wants to date. He’s too scared to live his own life, too scared to do what he wants to do. Women don't want power over a man like that. What women want is a man. They want a leader -- a great guy who will lead them. A guy who, when he dates them, takes them places and takes care of things his way, who stands up for who he is and will debate her on topics if he doesn't agree with her.
Nice guys never stand up for themselves, because that’s what nice guys do -- they don't believe they can get women. They've got this fear that they can’t get the woman they truly want, so they take whatever they can get. They literally beg their way into a relationship. And a woman knows that from there on, she basically has him by the balls.
Be A Great Guy, Not A Nice Guy
If you're nice, that's great, but what you really want to be is a great guy. You want to be a man who treats people well and also stands up to his own principles. You want to be a man who stands on his own two feet and isn't afraid to stand up to a woman just because he’s attracted to her. You want to be a man who leads, a man who decides if he wants to pursue the relationship or not, not a nice guy who tries to conform to her wants every which way and puts himself in the beggar's role. Nice guys are beggars. Great guys are catches.To get there, you have to truly believe it. You have to live your life in a way that you truly want and not give it up just to make your date happy. You have to know that you are a great, interesting person to date, that you can get the women you want and that you can get laid when you want. Women want to be with a guy who knows he can actually get laid by other women but chooses to be with her. Women don’t want to be with a guy because she is his only option.
If you’re nice at heart, you’re nice. You treat people well. Embrace it -- it’s a great quality to have. Don’t hide it by playing games and trying to be a bad boy. But what you need to do is be a great guy. Don’t be nice just to get a woman to like you. It never works.
For more dating advice, check out David Wygant's guide on how to seduce.
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