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Why guys don't like Valentine's Day

By MARK SULLIVAN | iVillage Canada – Fri, 3 Feb, 2012 4:00 PM EST

For the same reason a man wouldn't like it if you held a gun to his head and said, "Be romantic -- or else!" Let's face it, regardless of whether your guy happily woos you with flowers and a romantic dinner or remembers at 9:30pm and offers to share his beer, there's no escaping the emotional blackmail inherent to this "holiday."

But let's cast it in a different light. Your guy is already being as romantic as he can -- Valentine's Day merely sheds a starker beam on his current state of development. So instead of treating the day like the final exam for Romance 101, why not look at it as a chance to improve an overall upward trend in attentiveness and sensitivity? To that end, here are four suggestions.

1. Be clear with your expectations.
Information is power. If you tell a man exactly what you'd like to happen on Valentine's Day, you're much more likely to get it -- and you'll save him a lot of guesswork. And a few experiences with giving you what you want greatly increase the odds of his coming up with something on his own to surprise you with.

2. Accept what he manages to come up with.
Not easy, I know. But, having been clear about what you want, it is of critical importance that you let go of your expectations. Disappointment will only deter further effort, but happily, acceptance and gratitude will give him the confidence to up the ante next time. Remember: upward trend.

3. Understand that guys show love in ways that women sometimes don't appreciate.
Overall, guys feel their presence in the relationship is proof of their love and don't understand why you need further evidence. Obviously, those of us less Neanderthal realize that you have a different worldview that needs to be taken into account, but there are countless ways your guy is already showing his love. This might be a good time to look for some.

4. Practice quid pro quo.
Valentine's Day is a two-way street, and you know darn well what your guy wants. So why not give it to him?

Mark Sullivan is a regular guy living in Brooklyn.

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115 comments

bertenstein • St John's, Newfoundland and Labrador • 3 months ago
Valentine's day is pointless. Both partners should show their love for one another every day.
- Urked70 3 months ago
  Thank you. That's what I keep saying. It's not that we don't like V-Day, we (mostly mature/older guys) don't see it as most do. Which is the corporate/commercial view of the holiday. Everyone does it, everyone has been doing it for decades, but the V-Day of today is still the one made popular by companies like Hallmark. And it's soul purpose is to make money. I don't believe one's love or affection is any less if they decide to show it and/or do something special the day before or after. In fact, I'm sure many guys show their love or affection many times through out the relationship. Feb 14 shouldn't be anymore special than any other day. In a way, celebrating V-Day actual lessens the true meaning of it, and the genuine act of showing ones love. Why? Because it's "forced" by celebrating the holiday. Many couples feel the need to celebrate because everyone else is. It's EXPECTED on that day. It becomes mechanical. True love comes from the heart, when it comes from the heart, and not because it's expected on a given holiday.
- A Yahoo! User 3 months ago
  as they should.
- Ryan S 3 months ago
  so very philosophical...
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R* • 3 months ago
Valentines was made up buy corporate greed , Is there a problem in showing your love everyday ?? or not on this day but another day ?? i dont need Valentines day to show my love for my girl friend, i love her appreciate her everyday and she knows it . I dont need some corporate made up day to tell me to say i love you to my gf
- A Yahoo! User 3 months ago
  You could say the same thing for Mother's Day but c'mon man. Represent.
- Celtica 3 months ago
  Again please check your history. Valentine's day dates back to the middle ages. It wasn't created by a corporation.
- Anyone 3 months ago
  Represent? So says a man who is sucked in by advertising and feels the need to show people what a man he is by blowing big buck to show off and probably only wears name brands..but hey at least keep the economy thriving with the cash flow. The same goes for any holiday, we are all so used to tradition and what they feed us in the media we feel guilty and compelled to do what we are told is expected and makes us better people if we show our love only on certain days of the year. Try calling your Mom once a week, she would probably appreciate it more then the once a year you feel obligated to do it. Give your kids gifts through out the year and say they are from you not from some phantom fat man in red, why should he get the credit for your hard work and love?
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Redfoxx • Winnipeg, Manitoba • 3 months ago
When I first met the lady who would later become my wife, I warned her that she would never see a Valentine card because I did not believe in making Hallmark a little richer. Instead I gave her unconditional love for 365 days out of the year and a doz. roses.
- amkinnear 3 months ago
  she still wishes to be bought stuff and taken around......
- A Yahoo! User 3 months ago
  I'm a woman and I don't believe in Valentine (or birthday or Christmas) cards either. What a waste of paper, I say! When my husband wishes to tell me that he loves me, he says it in words or shows me by making my life a little easier. Whoever said that love is sending someone chocolate and a card must have had a twisted sense of the word.
- Redfoxx 3 months ago
  Amkinnear- I had to save some things for the other 364 days- seriously.
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run rapide • 3 months ago
It has ONLY to do with creating business and money for retailers.After Christmas there was nothing until easter thus the boogie man created Valentine and all the airheads got the attention they demanded.
- Celtica 3 months ago
  If you consider that Valentine's day was first done as a day to express romantic love in the 15th Century, it kind of ruins the whole "it was created by the retailers' theory, since I am pretty sure Hallmark wasn't around in the middle ages.
- gatormygator 3 months ago
  Airheads I love it :)
- JP 3 months ago
  well said!
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Gail Catherine • 3 months ago
Reading the comments here, I think a lot of people are confusing what women want with what advertisers are putting out there. Most of the women I know think of Valentine's Day as a day to spend some extra time with the man in their life. I'm always hearing about how materialistic women are about this day, but I don't seem to know any women who actually are that way. It's true: the marketers do their best to encourage men to spend as much money as possible, but that comes from the marketers, not the women themselves. If you honestly think your that all your lady cares about is loot, then perhaps you don't know her as well as you think you do. Maybe the gift you should give her is time together, so you can get to know her better.
- Izy 3 months ago
  i couldnt agree more.
- X 3 months ago
  Wild, steamy, night of sex, that should get her.
Tim • Winnipeg, Manitoba • 3 months ago
If you truly have a man who loves you, why would you need one day to make him prove it. Kind of insulting.Valentines day is a gimmick for more money to be spent. If true love is there everyday can be Valentines Day. I think It should be abolished.
Phil • Vancouver, British Columbia • 3 months ago
With the exception of the first sentence, this article has nothing to do with why a man hates valentines.
Great • 3 months ago
Valentine's Day is one of the stupidest made-up holidays ever. Why do I need commercialization to tell me to love my wife? I love her every day. We do have a very special day every year that we celebrate together....it's called our ANNIVERSARY!

Valentine's Day is nothing but a money-grabbing waste of time put forth by marketing machines looking to capitalize on the "romance" that men are told they must have on this day or else be in the doghouse.

RETARDED
A Yahoo! User • 3 months ago
My husband and I have been together for over 15 years. Sure, I would like flowers for Valentine's day, but if I had to choose between flowers and the rest of the awesome package, I will opt to keep what I have, thanks. Flowers seem like such a waste of cash when the money would be better spent on a dinner out so that I don't have to cook!!! (Hey, when he learns to cook, I would take that, too!).
MZT • 3 months ago
The big problem with valentines day is that its all about the men doing something for the women...where is the equality?...I have read 5 articles and listened to 3 radio shows and its always about putting the pressure on the men and not the women...in an equal society there would be equal pressure on the women to really demonstrate their love and impress their male partners with excellent ideas and highly interesting gifts and gestures...instead its all about the men doing that for the women, while the women just sit back and judge it all...I love my wife and family and demonstrate that on a daily basis, but this day is becoming anti male and a pain.
♈║♈║♈ • London, United Kingdom • 3 months ago
Any day that forces people to feel a certain way or do certain things is ridiculous!
♏αкℯ ⑂☺ʊґ ◎ẘη ṧρ℮¢їαʟ ḓα⑂ṧ!!
ponty21poty • Peterborough, Ontario • 3 months ago
"Neanderthal? ...perhaps the one who was writing the artical
Quint • Montreal, Quebec • 3 months ago
Guys don't like Valentines day because it seems that it's suppose to symbolize the pinnacle of man's love for his woman based on one day. A man should show love to his woman all days of the year. Also, valentine's day is too predictable. I be a woman would rather receive flowers as a token of love on a day she doesn't expect them than on valentines day - and oh yes - we are also cheap. Why pay $50 for a dozen roses on one day when the next day you can get the same roses for $18
nicklesb • 3 months ago
We do not celebrate Valentines day at our house. Don't get me wrong, I love making chocolates and baking heart shaped cookies with my kids to give out at school. That part is worth it and fun for all of us, but my husband and I have been married for 13 years and it has never been a big deal for us, even when we were dating. As far as I amd concerned and my husband agrees with me, we already have a special day each year where we get to remind each other how much we love and appreciate one another....it is called our anniversary. I do not need any other day to remind me that I am loved. The day we said "I Do" means way more to me than a day set out by the rest of the world to let me know I am loved.
mctool123 • Burnaby, British Columbia • 3 months ago
Never once see an article about women doing anything for men.

Never. Unless it's a sex magazine that promises 50 new ways to pleasure him.
chuck • Ottawa, Ontario • 3 months ago
Valentines day is such a pointless day. Waste of time and money.
Watcher • 3 months ago
I'm a woman and I feel just like the guy with a gun to his head. I'm not romantic...at all. Hate this day. Luckily he makes me feel loved everyday so we just ignore this one.
Iskra Petrova • Calgary, Alberta • 3 months ago
Valentine's day is just an occasion to be more romantic. Don't buy presents and don't go out if you don't want! Just be romantic without spending money. Don't tell me you make your sweetheart feel special every single day, especially when you live together for many years. It's the day of love. It's a day to say I love you to all important people in our life.
At Valentine's Day, speaking personnaly, we just exchange handmade cards and we write sweet words to each other. My sweetheart knows I like cards and he is making an effort to please me that day.
Guess • Montreal, Quebec • 3 months ago
Valentine's Day is a crock to make men spend money..this coming from me who is female. My husband shows his love to me everyday of the year which I do appreicate. It's the little things that matter the most and this is a gift to show me how much he cares.
Princeton • 3 months ago
Apparently Valentine's Day is also a good opportunity for free-lance loser writers like Mark Sullivan to sell an article; containing just about as much nonsense as the Hallmark card. Here's one for you, Mark Sullivan (you loser), "Roses are red, violets are blue, this crap's old and tired, write something new."