Unhand that glass of Shiraz: Turns out, red wine is not beneficial to healthy women after all

We've all been keeping our fingers crossed that science will one day come knocking on our door to deliver the long awaited news that red wine is a magical elixir that will cure all that ails us. Unfortunately, science recently came a knocking with some news of a different and unwanted variety — that red wine may do pretty much nothing for your metabolism if you're a healthy woman who isn't obese.

The study found that resveratrol, the part of red wine that has been previously shown to improve metabolic function in obese and diabetic people, has no observable effect on healthy non-obese women, reports the New York Times.

The study -- which will be published in the current issue of Cell Metabolism -- and looked at 29 postmenopausal women of regular weight over a 12-week period in a randomized, double-blinded trial. The women were given 75 milligrams a day of resveratrol or a placebo.

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Levels of resveratrol rose in the group given supplements, but there were no differences between them and the placebo group in regards to glucose tolerance, body composition or resting metabolic rate. Long story short — the resveratrol had no discernible effect on anything to do with metabolic function.

Sigh. Say it ain't so, science.

And yet it may be a tad early for wine lovers to completely throw in the towel, because, as senior author Samuel Klein points out.

"We only show that metabolically healthy people get no benefits to begin with. We have no way of knowing whether it will prevent future metabolic complications."

So perhaps red wine guzzling may positively affect future metabolic processes — you know, somewhere down the road. We just don't know. So for now, just go ahead and assume that the wine helps. Maybe.

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Also, for those of you who would like to continue to justify the occasional glass of red by quoting an academic paper, red wine has popped up in a plethora of other studies that seem to indicate it will aid in all manner of ailments, including mobility issues, bone density loss and muscle atrophy.

And booze in general -- we can include beer and spirits here -- has been found to benefit your heart by raising the "good" cholesterol and reducing the formation of blood clots, according to the Mayo Clinic.

But remember, it's only helpful in moderation, which means about one to two small glasses of beer or wine a day -- NOT nothing all week and then two bottles of Chianti on Friday night.