A New—Surprising—Relationship Predictor
OK, so there's no surefire way to know whether or not you and your guy will be together in a few decades. As of this week, though, scientists can make a very educated prediction....
By Zoe Ruderman
Ever wonder what type of couple you and your boyfriend or husband will be in 10 or 30 or 50 years? Will you be like that sweet twosome in their eighties walking down the street holding hands and calling each other honey? Or will you end up more like those parents of three standing in line at the airport yelling passive-aggressively at each other and using pet names like non-bag-carrying idiot and insensitive balding jerk (true story, we heard it)? Well, you don't need a crystal ball because the results of a new huge-scale survey might have the answer. All you have to do is look at your current level of conflict. Chances are that you'll fight about the same amount and with the same tenacity next year or in 60 years.
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Professors from a number of American universities interviewed over 2,000 married men and women over the course of 20 years and observed that "conflict level" remains surprisingly steady throughout the course of a relationship. The research, published in the Journal of Family Issues, explains that if you rarely argue, there's a good chance you won't fight a ton later on. And if you're constantly squabbling at the beginning of a relationship, you'll probably squabble after years of marriage. (That's not to say you're an unhappy couple or that you'll have a bad marriage. It just means that you shouldn't expect your twosome to become totally conflict-free after you get married or after you've been together for a while.)
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There are exceptions, of course. When the participants experienced a life-changing event (think: serious illness, job loss, or issues with alcohol or drugs), the rule of steady conflict-level went out the window.
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The researchers also pointed out that some conflict is actually a good thing, and it's not a great sign when couples never, ever argue. It could be a sign they're not invested in the other person. Another interesting find: marriages are more likely to last when the man and woman enter into it thinking the marriage is forever. Seems like a no-brainer (after all, do many people really walk down the aisle thinking that divorce could very well be in their future?) But according to a write-up on the study on ABCNews.com, "People who believed [that the marriage was forever] seemed to have the happiest marriages, perhaps because they were more willing to work though their problems in a lifelong effort to fulfill their own expectations."
How much do you fight with your partner now? Has that changed over time? Do you expect that you'll argue more or less after you get married (or if you're already married, after you've been together for years)?
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