If you’re looking through your man’s jeans pockets, hacking into his email or conveniently “glancing” at his phone, it’s probably because you’re looking for evidence of what you already know or your trust level with your guy is nonexistent. Think about it: when Elin looked at Tiger Woods’ text messages, do you think she was expecting to find something good? “You have to wonder if you’re looking for a problem because you don’t trust men, don’t trust your partner or feel insecure about yourself and your relationship. If you’re acting on intuition that there’s a problem, then carefully think about the facts of the matter the way an outsider would -- is there legitimate cause for concern?” says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., author of Sultry Sex Talk to Seduce Any Lover. And don’t fool yourself into believing that spying on your guy is no big deal. “Snooping isn’t a normal part of a healthy relationship, so the desire to investigate can say a lot,” says Fulbright.
Also see: Stop Nagging! Six Tips to Break the Habit and Improve Your Relationship
He’s Always Looking at His Phone
These days most of us are obsessed with our apps, but if your guy is checking his Facebook page instead of paying attention to you over dinner, it’s a sign that he could already be checked out of the relationship. “He could be totally into someone else, and even if he’s not, you’re not his priority,” says Fulbright. “If he’s not giving you ample attention when you’re together because he’s too into his phone, then he’s not present or engaged in you or the conversation.” Before you tell him to take a hike, suggest a technology-free evening and see how he responds. “He may just need to learn that he’s being quite rude,” says Fulbright.
Also see: Have You Dragged Out Your Relationship Too Long?
You’re Not Doing It
He used to grab your hand in the movies (or grab your bum when you were washing dishes). But these days it seems like you’re friends (without the benefits) and the sad part is you don’t even really care. “Almost all men want sex whenever they can get it -- it’s natural human behavior -- even when the rest of the relationship may not be in good standing,” says Dr. Sadie Allison, founder of TickleKitty.com and author of Tickle My Tush: Mild-to-Wild Analplay Adventures for Everybooty. “If you find he stops coming on to you (when that was his norm), and you’ve stopped engaging in lovemaking as well, it could mean he’s just not interested in you anymore, romantically. Or he’s given up trying after too many ‘no’s’.”
Also see: Top 5 Relationship Deal Breakers
You’re Fantasizing About Other Men
We all have our celebrity daydreams (Daniel Craig, shirtless, throwing you up against a wall – you know, just for example). But when you need to think about other men to get through a sex session with your man, it’s a big clue that you’re headed for trouble. “It’s normal for some people to fantasize about others. But when you’re doing it a lot -- preferring such to fantasizing to being with your own partner -- then there’s something larger going on,” says Fulbright. “Whether you’re not attracted to your partner or just disconnected, see this as a sign that you’re not as happy as you could be.”
Also see: 10 Mistakes Couples Make That Destroy Their Sex Lives
You No Longer Laugh at His Joke
When you’re in love it doesn’t matter if your man is Sacha Baron Cohen funny or if he’s so unfunny he messes up a knock-knock joke -- you’re still the first person to give him a big, warm-hearted laugh. “When we fall for somebody, we either humor their humor or really appreciate their attempts to be charming. But if you’re no longer willing to do that dance and find yourself putting up a wall, that’s a sign that you’re not content with him,” says Fulbright. If you can no longer muster a smile at his witticisms, it may be time to take a long hard look at the other aspects of your relationship. “There’s something that he’s doing or saying that’s putting you off and you have to decide if that’s a deal breaker or not,” says Fulbright.
Also see: 14 Signs You Might Be Bad In Bed
You Fight Dirty
All couples that have been together more than five minutes fight at some point. But when you start bickering in front of your friends and truly trying to hurt each other with your words, it’s possible that you’re on the way out. “This is a red flag that you need to get out or get serious counseling,” says Fulbright. “When people show such disrespect for one another, other feelings have trumped any feelings of love and this cycle will just continue to spiral until something major is done.” Not even into the hot makeup sex after a quarrel? That’s a sure sign that it may be time to move on.
He Found a New Hobby That Doesn’t Include You
All healthy couples have some separate interests and pursuits. Otherwise, what would you have to talk about? But if your man has thrown himself into a new extracurricular activity that takes away from the time you used to spend together it may be because he’s looking for a way out. “A new hobby may just mean that he needs some time to himself -- which is fine and not an indicator that there’s something wrong,” says Fulbright. “But if the hobby dominates his time or involves spending intimate, quality time with others, then that’s an indicator that he’s not feeling it anymore.” “If hobbies keep popping up that don’t include you, or if you both like tennis but he doesn’t invite you to play, then this is clearly a sign that he’s fading out on the friendship you two have -- and the relationship,” says Allison.
You’re Not Talking About the Future
One thing that solid couples often do is speculate about the future (ie; where to live, where to travel together, what to name their imaginary 2.5 children). But if you’re not planning anything beyond the next DVD rental, or your future plans are so divergent that you can’t see each other in them, it may be a sign that you’re soon to part ways. “When the excitement of talking about your dreams together fades, it’s clear that the initial desire of a future together may not be the reality anymore,” says Allison. “Disagreeing on goals is even more obvious. There has to be mutual understanding and team work to build and maintain a successful life together. If you’re disagreeing now, it’s time to accept the reality that the two of you may not be the perfect match after all.”
You Don't Find Reasons to Dress Up Anymore
Remember the days when it took you two hours to get ready for a date, or when you nearly maxed out your credit card at Agent Provocateur for your first weekend away together? Putting in the effort to look (and feel) sexy says that you are invested in your relationship. “If you think that seduction isn’t necessary, that can be very problematic,” says Fulbright. “Couples need to keep the embers going. You also need to feel desired by him. Maintaining a relationship is work. And couples need to be open and communicative about their needs and what they can be doing to keep passion alive.” “If you have no desire to be sexy for him, then you should have a good long talk with yourself about why you’re holding back on the fun stuff,” says Allison. “It could simply mean that you’re not into him anymore.”
You’re Asking Other People What They Think of the Relationship
When you’re satisfied and confident in your relationship you don’t need outside opinions to tell you that things are going great. It’s only when you’re on shaky ground that you start polling anyone who’ll listen (girlfriends, your mom, the woman who does your nails) on what they think about your union. “If you’re not secure and confident enough to know in your heart what you need and want in a relationship, and are asking others their advice, then you should rethink things,” says Allison. “The fact that you’re asking outsiders what they think is a sign in itself that you may know the real truth about it, but are looking for reassurance about the decision you know you need to make.” Instead of rehashing the details with your bestie, it’s probably time to talk to your man about where your relationship stands.
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